?

Log in

February 2009

S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
Powered by LiveJournal.com

Technically I should be working on my Extended Essay right now, which I am, but only in part. It's almost impossible for me to focus - I am so easily distracted by chatting, reading other things, listening to music, and probably most consuming, dwelling on my current status.

I had coffee with a friend last night, and, as usual, our conversation strayed toward relationships. Every time we hang out this happens. One of us is stuck to the past, and struggling to hang on, and the other is trying to figure out what happened, and what they missed, and how they can fix it. Both of us are stubborn. This is generally a bad mix, but I'd like to be optimistic and think our persistence will eventually be rewarded, whether it's with the people we're pursuing or not. Realistically, I think we're destined to be spinsters. Or maybe that's just my cynical side talking? Who knows.

I found my diary that I kept for most of July, and then gave up on. It chronicles the time from when I watched "Office Space" with Daniel on Friday, July 15th; covering my time in Sunriver; Relay for Life; Will, Daniel, and my "epic" adventure to get Harry Potter at midnight on July 21st; my first 5k of the season at Westview; and finally ending on July 27th - the day I sprained my ankle. So really it only covered about two weeks, and actually missed the first two weeks of July, which were arguably some of the best of my summer, but it still makes me miss summer, and wonder where it went. It's also funny to read some of the things I recorded; things which I felt were probably pretty stupid to write down at the time, but that now I'm glad I did, because it's the little things that count.

Unfortunately, reflecting on what did happen this summer makes me wish that some things had gone differently, or at least that I'd been more confident with myself. Such is life, I suppose. And however much I had hoped that I'd been able to follow my own advice, I still really enjoyed myself, and I enjoyed getting better acquainted with some extremely intriguing people, who I value so much more now.

Thank you, cosmos, for bestowing upon me such luck. Although, at the same time, curse you for making me so attached and confused.

Comments

"Both of us are stubborn. This is generally a bad mix, but I'd like to be optimistic and think our persistence will eventually be rewarded, whether it's with the people we're pursuing or not. Realistically, I think we're destined to be spinsters. Or maybe that's just my cynical side talking?"

I found Lynn, didn't I? And one of my best friends in the whole world came from a desired relationship that never happened. But now I think I'm glad things turned out the way they did.
I'm starting to think that you're right. Before, I would have laughed, but I think with some work I can almost be in the same situation you are.
You have a lot going for you. There's nothing to worry about. Maybe you'll find a lovely pro-choice boy at the T-CAT meeting!
No. That doesn't work out. I already tried that one.

And...

...you call me negative.

Re: And...

Hey. I have recently felt quite over him, yet that bitterness and cynicism will most likely remain in small bits and pieces. [I think the boy band obsession actually did help. Don't question my methods.]

I hope Will's right, after all, he's the one with more sense out of the two of us...

I read this and this I'm reading my own journal at points. But let's not be in a hurry. There's so much time. So much.