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February 2009

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I haven't written in almost two months. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad one. For some reason, I can't seem to formulate my thoughts anymore, at least not into something that I'm willing to show all of you here. I still don't know what to say, even after two hours of this window sitting open. There's so much I could tell myself, and you, but so much that I love keeping to myself.

I find myself stuck in a sad situation. I can give advice to people, and not to be arrogant, but I give pretty good advice sometimes. But I never seem to be able to follow it. How hypocritical is that? I can tell someone to not be afraid to take risks and get hurt, because the pain is what makes the pleasure and happiness that much better. And I can remind a friend that we musn't dwell on the past, and that it is better to let go of and move on from those things which tie us down. But I won't acknowledge the end when I know it's there.

How do I learn to heed my own warnings? What can I say to myself to build up the confidence to take the steps or make the moves that I suggest?

What am I so afraid of?


It's natural. It's so much easier to say something than to do it. Look at me. I would have given any girl the advice to prevent/avoid my situation, yet I have barely done anything I would have told the girl to do. I saw the signs, but chose to ignore them because I wanted to believe that everything would be happy and perfect. A lot of times, as cynical as we can be, deep inside there's an idiot optimist who gets us stuck in this shit. I'd vote we shoot them, but sometimes, you do need that stupid, unfounded faith.